Pose Breakdown: Queen’s Pose for Couples

Cuddle yoga with both partners in queen’s pose with bound-angle legs.

Queen’s pose is one of my all-time favorite relaxing restorative yoga poses. Sometimes I joke that it’s like being in a yoga La-Z-Boy. As soon as I lie back into the welcoming arms of my props, it’s a signal to my brain that I’m about to get some serious chill time — and if I’m lucky, a nap. When people start snoring in my restorative yoga classes, chances are it’s in queen’s pose.

And I say, go for it!

In addition to being relaxing, queen’s pose is a heart opener. With support and comfort, it allows us to gently expose our hearts to the world around us. This is both physical and metaphorical. When we feel threatened, our instinctual animal response triggers us to round forward to protect our hearts and bellies. In queen’s pose, we do the opposite. We lift our chests; we let the arms and legs go slack; we close our eyes; and we surrender with trust to the world around us.

Relaxation, open hearts, trust? — What could be better concepts for a couple to explore together!

I hope you’ll try our “cuddle” version of queen’s pose:

The Big Spoon sets up first. If possible, place one of the skinny ends of the mat against the wall. Build a supportive ramp using two blocks staggered in a stair-step position (one block on the lowest height and the other on the second-highest setting). Place your stairs near the wall-side of the mat for more support. Place a big bolster on top of the stairs to create a ramp. The highest end should touch the wall, unless you’re tall and need a little more head room.
To get into the pose, the Big Spoon backs up to the base of the ramp. With the knees bent and the soles of the feet on the mat, hands on the knees, slowly lie back onto the ramp. Leave the legs open.
The Little Spoon gets into place. Back up to the Big Spoon. With the knees bent, slowly lie back onto the Big Spoon.
Explore the details! There are as many different ways to get comfortable in this pose as there are combinations of big and little spoons (endless!) and their body types (infinite), so find what works for you. In the photo, you’ll see that Cliff opted to fold up blankets for his arms to rest on. This can make the stretch through the chest less intense and also protect you from the jarring sensation of cold floor. You’ll also notice we both chose to align our necks by placing folded up blankets under our heads. And we chose to take our legs into double versions of butterfly/bound-angle pose, with the soles of the feet together and the knees splaying out. This often feels best with a little support under the knees in the form of a rolled up blanket, small bolster or blocks. With the legs, you could also extend them, or find a way to rest the feet on the floor with the knees bent (especially great for cranky low backs).
Additions: this is the perfect position for the Big Spoon to give the Little Spoon a shoulder rub while you settle in. (Just sayin’ — Here’s looking at you, Cliff!) Plus, queen’s pose is great for listening to a guided meditation. You’re open, a little bit vulnerable and receptive to exploring ideas. Try out your favorite meditation in queen’s pose.

I would love to hear your experiences with this double queen’s pose for couples, especially how you made it work for your specific body type(s). Happy cuddling! Namaste.

Progressive Body Relaxation

One of my favorite ways to settle into a quiet space for meditation is to use progressive body relaxation.

It’s pretty simple: start at one end of your body and work your way to the other, pausing to relax each muscle as you go.

That said, you have some options to make the meditation your own:

1. Use muscles. The form of this technique that I’ve seen most often in a psychology/cognitive behavioral therapy environment instructs you to actually clench the muscle groups as you go, and then actively release them. I’ve seen a psychiatry lecture where this technique was cited as being just as effective as benzodiazepines at helping people relax – with way less potential for addiction.

2. Use the mind. Often, however, in a yoga setting, it’s more common to be instructed to simply imagine the muscles relaxing instead of actually moving them. This is my favorite way. But even then, you have options. Sometimes I like to imagine that I am looking at myself from the outside, almost like my body is a diagram, and then I imagine each space relaxing. Other times, I like to try to concentrate on feeling my body within when I visit each area. I think it’s fun to see what I can actually feel in my face, my neck, my stomach, my fingertips, etc. Sometimes we are ignoring bodily sensations and don’t even realize it, so it can be nice to use your body scan as a chance to check in.

Ready? Try it. Here is a recording of a Progressive Body Relaxation that I made for you to try.

Progressive Body Relaxation Meditation

Pose Breakdown: Couple’s Sidelying Savasana

Cuddle yoga: Both partners in side-lying savasana.

Sidelying savasana from the restorative yoga tradition is one of my favorite relaxing poses. It’s probably because I like to sleep on my side, so mimicking that posture seriously signals to my body and mind that it’s chill time.

Adding in some snuggles from my partner makes it even better. This is one of my favorite cuddle yoga poses, and I think for most people it will be the one to most closely resemble how you and your partner already snuggle. So settle in, and let those cozy vibes soar!

Let’s get started:

1. The Little Spoon settles in. Little Spoon, have a big bolster handy, along with a couple of blankets or smaller bolsters and lie down on your right side. Fold up a blanket or use a small bolster to support your head like a pillow. Bend your left knee and bring it up to about hip height. Slide the big bolster under your leg and allow it to be supported as much as possible. If you’ve got another prop handy, you might hug it close to your chest or use it to support the left arm, as I’ve done in the picture. Your right leg is going to stay extended, long along the mat.

2. The Big Spoon snuggles in. Big Spoon, come behind the Little Spoon and place a folded up blanket on the Little Spoon’s right leg. Snuggle in behind the Little Spoon and lower yourself onto your right side. Use a prop as a pillow for yourself, or share the Little Spoon’s. Bring your left knee up, bent and snuggle it behind the Little Spoon’s, resting its weight on the Little Spoon’s right leg, the one with the folded up blanket on top. If it’s too much pressure on the Little Spoon, try a thicker prop. Do what feels right with your arms so that you feel nice and cozy. Hold for 6-8 minutes. Switch sides.

Pose Breakdown: Restorative Child’s Pose

Restorative child’s pose with a sandbag on the lower back and a blanket roll under the ankles.

Child’s Pose is often offered in yoga classes as an option for rest. It’s the universal sign for “I am taking a break right now.” It’s a simple forward fold, similar to the fetal position. For most of us, it signals to our bodies that it’s time to relax.

That said, child’s pose isn’t comfortable for everyone, and not everyone would be able to comfortably hold it for several minutes.

That’s where our props come in handy. In the photo above, I’ve gone pretty much all out with the props. Let’s check them out:

1. A blanket or thick mat under the knees. The number one complaint I hear about child’s pose is discomfort putting our body weight on the knees. Let’s address this by putting down an extra thick yoga mat or padding it up with a folded blanket. Note where my knees are in the photo. You’ll want to build your “ramp” in step 2. on top of your knee blanket so that your knees still land on the blanket.

2. Build your ramp. Child’s pose can be done with nothing underneath you, which, depending on your anatomy, could take some work to hold yourself in place. Instead, with restorative child’s pose, we want to relax and let gravity and the props do the work for us. So, you can try simply placing a large bolster flat on the mat. It will support your torso and give you something to hug onto. Or, you can do as I have done in the photo and build a ramp so you don’t have to bend down as far. To do this, take two blocks. Set one on the medium setting and the other on the lowest setting to build yourself a little stair-step. Bring a large bolster to rest on top to create your “ramp.” Note: I’ve seen some people whose anatomy or positioning causes their heads to bend back sharply. If this is you, try bringing your ramp up even higher, either by stacking two large bolsters on top of each other or making more of a “table” out of your props, by placing the blocks on their highest setting and placing them under both ends of the bolster.

3. Support your ankles. If you have tight ankles – especially common among runners and cyclists – or find it uncomfortable to put body weight on your ankles, then try rolling up a blanket to place under the ankles as I have done in the photo. It will allow your ankles to keep a slight bend and will take some of the pressure off.

4. Not pictured: Support between the hips and heels. Many people find it uncomfortable for their hips and bottom to hang above their heels. You can ease this tension by placing a rolled up blanked or a long and thin bolster on top of your heels to sit on.

5. Settle in! To come into the pose, come to hands and knees facing your ramp. Scootch in close, and open your knees so that the end of the ramp lands between your legs. Arrange your props and then lay your torso down on the props. I like to look over one shoulder for half of my time in the pose, then look the other way. I see plenty of students who prefer to look down the whole time, sometimes with a little extra support like a folded-up blanket under their forehead so their face has a little separation from the bolster. Notice spots of tension and resistance, and focus on relaxing them. Hold for a total of six minutes, switching your gaze at the three-minute mark.

6. Nerd out with the details. In the picture, I have also placed folded up blankets under my forearms. I have short arms, so sometimes blankets help bring the floor a little closer to me. Other times, the floor is just plain cold! Blankets can help. You’ll also notice that I like my hands facing up in the pose. I find that when I try putting my palms down, it feels a little too active. My body thinks I’m about to ask it to do pushups or something, so the muscles in my back stay ready and a little tense. I’ve also seen people who have busy/active hands grasp onto the blocks or grasp onto small eye pillows to quiet their hands. Also in the picture, I have a sandbag on my low back to gently guide my bottom a little closer to my heels. Ask a friend to add one for you, it can be a juicy touch. And lastly, consider covering up! A blanket over your whole body can make this a cozy pose indeed.

When nothing works. Some people are never comfortable in forward folds and find them agitating rather than relaxing. Other people, espeically some of my clients with hip or knee replacements, never seem to settle in either. It’s OK to find another pose, like a restorative puppy (with support under your hips so there is much less pressure on the knees), a restorative child’s pose in the chair, or other option.